I hate Houston

The BBT4 is here! I am on the fence about playing this year. I am sure I will hit some of the events like the Mookie and the Big Game but will probably skip the rest. Last year I went into to poker overload trying to get in as many games as I could and by the end I was just phoning it in.

Top Five Things I hate about Houston and the surrounding Area.

5. Ethnic Diversity

Please understand that I have nothing against Ethnic diversity if it is celebrated. This place however is the largest melting pot of races I have ever seen where everyone hates each other and wants to be separated. The lines are clearly defined. If you go down that road and take a left it is China town and for God’s sake don’t stop there and ask for directions they will just yell at you. If you take that exit off the freeway you are in the “Black” part of town and make sure you look your doors when you go there. They look at White people like they insane. Hang a right of that road over there and you hit the Mexican part of town. Be careful there are kids are all over the place unattended. My favorite however is the WHITE part of town. I never seen anyplace in my life so strict, it is like everyone is assigned a role to play. All the houses look the same all the cars look the same all the streets look the same. Please, Please , Please don’t try to fuck with the status quo and do anything that is “Off White” they will freak the fuck out.

All of these people together in one place in the 4^th largest city in the USA and I have never seen so much outright hate split down racial lines.

Don’t get me started on the cops here. I LOVE cops I really do. I think they get the worst rap in the world 98.5% of the time but the cops here in Houston… shit they will kill you for turn signal violations. I wrote a song about it… wanna hear it??? Here it goes.

Drivin while black Drivin while black

If you are in the wrong place will shot you in the back.

We don’t care

If you live there

We will drop your ass and cover you with crack

Drivin while Brown Drivin while Brown

We are going to kill your Latin ass for being in the wrong part of town.

Drivin while Brown Drivin while Brown

If you are in Bellaire we are going to put you down.

Drivin while black Drivin while black

If you are local celeb you still get no slack

Drivin while black Drivin while black

You drive a nice car you must deal crack

Drivin while Brown Drivin while Brown

You must be illegal if you live in this part of town

That is my “Drivin while Ethnic Song”…it is soon to be a hit.

4. All the Baptists / Mega Churches

For Fucks sake how many churches the size of airports do we need? Joel Osteen is here.

His church is now in the old Summit where the Rockets use to play.

He has another one over on the Gulf Freeway that looks like a small airport.

You also get to see the 2^nd Baptist church… don’t know the difference between them and the first Baptist except they have a church the size of a Mall down the street from my house.

3. Road Rage (Thiers not mine)

Almost daily I see shit happen a stoplight here. I have seen men throw down over not letting someone else in I have seen women ram the back of cars in anger. Just last Friday I say a guy get out of his car and go all bat-shit crazy with a crowbar on another person’s car. I have seen cars side by side on the Freeway doing 60mph with people throwing shit out the windows at each other. I myself have twice gotten out of my car and knocked on someone’s window to chat with them about how stupid their driving is. We are not talking about Chinese driving or old folks in California near farmers market driving. We are talking about normal people like you and I that get behind the wheel of a car and for some fucking reason think that whatever they have to do today is more important than the life of my children and me.

2. Over population of shitty restaurants while not having enough decent places to eat.

Ok I am a wee bit of a snob when it comes to food. You wouldn’t know it by the foods I eat but rather the places I chose to eat it. I like nice places to eat and by that I don’t me Fancy I mean nice places with good atmosphere and good service. The following is a list of places you will NOT find me

Applebee's Neighborhood

Black Eyed Pea

Chili's Grill & Bar

Chipotle Grill

Cracker Barrel Restaurant

Denny’s

Fuddruckers

International House of Pancakes

Johnny Rockets Restaurant

Luby's Cafeteria 485 S. Mason Rd. Katy, TX 281-492-2016

Outback Steakhouse

Panera Bread 19502

Rainforest Café

Red Oak Grill

Rib Room

Saltgrass

Souper Salad

Texas Roadhouse

TGI Friday's Restaurant

Wings & More

These are all within 15 minutes of my house and I try to avoid them at all costs

There are a few mom and pop type places around but none are overly exciting to go to. I just don’t want to go to a place where I am going to be forced to eat and pay for the latest trendy grill mixed with “insert booze name here”.

via videosift.com

Far and away the best restaurant I have eaten at here in town is Vida Loca in Katy. This place has the best services of any restaurant I have eaten at in the last 5 years. If you are in the area stop but and pick yourself up a “Gorilla” to drink!

1. Urban Sprawl and shitty areas

Holy fuck nuts are there some shitty as places here. I fully understand that there was a Hurricane here a few months back but in some places that only helped to improve the look. There are entire areas here where people just don’t give a flying fuck about how the area looks. Now remember I grew up here and have been coming here for years since I left but haven’t lived here full time since I was 12. I can truly tell you if I had to grow up in this town I would be a pimp-crack dealing-cop killer-Massage parlor owning thug.

Add the shitty looking areas to the areas where you just can’t get away from traffic and apartment complexes next to cookie cutter suburbs and it makes a guy want to go insane.

Thats about all I got for today. just so I dont fill the whole day up with hate here is my favorite clip from the "AWARDS" season