There’s nothing like seeing the look on someone’s face when their soul cracks and their worldview shatters It is ten times better than the expression a child gets when a beloved pet dies.
Wow what a shitty weekend all around. I posted 4 sizable losses out of 5 sessions on the weekend and am know a whopping $4.55 up from my starting roll from last Monday. I could blame bad beats and I could blame the cards and I could blame the other guys luck but the bottom line was I was playing to many hands, to many tables and toooooo long. That has always been a big hole in my online game. I tend to get in front of the screen and just keep playing no matter how bad I am doing and chasing one bad loss after another.
I did manage to sneak out for about 5 hours on Sunday to hit one of the local rooms in the area. I had played there about a month ago when I first got to Houston and was excited about the potential for it becoming my new home room. I played ABC poker and just bet when I felt I needed to and manged about a $300 win at $1-$3 NL. I hope to have more about the games at this room soon. Once the holidays are over I might hit it at least once a week.
I need for you all to go to this Twitter-riffic site and sign up as a follower. This is my wonderful wife's work twitter site for the Lance Armstrong Livestrong Foundation and I want to get them up over 3000 followers before X-mas! I have often spoke about how wonderful my wife is, any woman that can manage to stay married to me for 5 years and not be institutionalized is straight up a Saint. She balances all the evil I bring to the world with her kindness and if that was not enough she has manage to pop me out 3 unbelievable cool kids as well. So if I could get a little help with this I promise you all no bad beats and that you will win all your coin flips for a week!!!
Get all of your followers to follow and all of their followers to follow too!!!
I played the Mookie last night. Not sure where I went out, think it was around 21-ish or something. No big HH to discuss I think i got my money in ahead and lost so that's poker. I did mange a superb victory in the Pushfest (tm*MiamiDon) for a nice $50 score. add that win to the impress of $11 win at Blogger RAZZ and I had a good few hours. I decided to parlay my winnings into a $50-$5 PLOHI buy in why later than I should be starting a tournament and managed to final Table. As a matter of fact I managed to lead the tournament for about 3 hours and came into the final table in 3rd of 9. On the first hand of the final table I got it all in preflop with AhAsJh4s against KcKdJs5h, the K on the flop crippled me and I went out a few hands later with QQxx v. K1052 when the chip leader flopped a 10 high flush. Once again that’s poker so fuck it, it happens.
I am real happy with my play so far this week. I am playing good poker and most importantly I am making good laydowns. I am up over $800 so far in a 3 day period playing $100NL and $50 NL 2-4 tables at a time.
So, onto my Buddy Dank apology. If you are not spending all of your poker playing time listening to Buddy Dank Radio I really hope that at night when you are asleep a badger sneaks in through your A/C vents and has a badger fuck session with your ear hole. More importantly if you are not listening on the nights I obnoxiously shove my way on to his air time I hope the badger brings some homeboys to get your eye holes. Anyway, most nights I am on I tend to say things and do things that normal people shouldn’t say or do and last night was no different. Last night I let slip a very dark moment in Buddy Dank's life when, accidentally I forgot to let "What happened in Vegas Stay in Vegas".
We were talking about this year’s winter gathering in Las Vegas and since I didn’t get to go I shared a story about last year sat Blogger Winter gathering. Last year I got to meet Buddy for the first time. We spent hours shooting Whiskey and other various libations and bonded over... well not really anything because he and I have nothing really in common and to be honest if we were in high school together I would spend my days giving him knoggies, Indian burns and atomic wedgies but we bonded nevertheless. As things often do at the Geisha bar inside the IP the attention turned towards the hookers as they made their rounds. Prop bets of all kinds are made and triple dog dares can often be heard of the clinking of shot glasses hitting the bar and the loud banter floating in the air.
It wasn’t long before a few girls of the night had turn their attention towards Buddy and I ... I mean who can blame them really I am a strapping handsome Texan and Buddy looks like a guy you can extract hundreds of dollars from without even having to try hard. As the girls tried to barter their services to us I noticed certain uneasiness on Buddy's face. I wasn’t really sure what it was but it had elements of fear and uneasiness combined with flat out terror at times. After a valiant effort from the ladies we finally asked them to leave, I am married happily and have no need for a hooker and it appeared that Buddy wouldn’t really know what to do with one if he had her anyway, so off they went. After a good cooling off period I asked Buddy what was wrong hoping to get to the bottom of his troubles and help my newfound friend.
"I am very inexperienced when it comes to women. I have never really had much success with them and feel really uncomfortable around them." he told me.
I felt pity for my new pal and dug a little deeper. “What are you, like gay or something? I mean I am cool with that if you are and all but if we get any drunker I don’t want you to like try and blow me or anything because I will beat the shit out of you if you try."
“No I am not gay even though a lot of people ask me that. Do I put off some kind of Gay vibe or something?" he said slightly lisping with a certain limp wristed flare.
“Well then what’s the problem man? You can’t get it up or is your cock just so small you are afraid to show it to a woman?" I asked gently trying not to hurt my new BFF's feelings.
“I just am not that experienced or confident about my abilities to make love to a woman" he responded in an overly nerdy way causing me for a brief second to want to pants him right there in the bar. “I really have only been with a few girls. One of them was an overly aggressive 325lb 2nd cousin of mine that forced me to dress up like the Easter bunny and wanted to shove marshmallow peeps up my ass. That didn’t go to well for me, do you know that those things are really hard to get out of your rectum when they get hot?" he said. “Then there was my high school girlfriend, it was a tragedy what happened to her."
Not really paying attention to him and really concentrating more on my cigarette I heard him drone on. “She was special, she loved me and I knew it. I had never felt love like that before and I thought that her and I would really go the distance but sadly she sprung a leak and I could never really get her inflated right again." he stated with a sad frown that made me want to slap the taste out of his pansy mouth.
“What she was a blow up doll? What the fuck man you were in love with a fucking blow up doll? You fucking loser why the fuck am I even talking to you? You make me sick you assclown." I responded with a touching tone to make him feel comfortable.
Oh... uhhh... I was just joking man. I was just trying to make you laugh, here let me buy you a few more shots."
“You better you spazz or I will stuff you in a locker!"
He went on to tell me that the 3rd and final girl he had been with was probably his best experience but sadly he was never able to bring himself to completion because whenever he got close he would break into uncontrollable crying.
“I really need your help ScottMc. You are the coolest guy I know and I really just want to be like you. I mean you seem to really have it all together and you got the looks and the style I really want to be like."
" Look you little cocksucker I told you I am not going to let you blow me so stuff that gay shit back in your little dark crying place in your brain. I do feel bad for you though so I am going to help you out." I said with a caring big brother feel. “I will spot you some cash for hookers so your miserable sad little ass can final get laid. I mean really man you are all grown up and need to get some more than any man I know. You really are pathetic and if you don’t get laid soon I am sure I am going to hear stories about you dressing up in women’s pantyhose and trying to kill people from a tower or something. After I help you, you got to promise not to talk to me anymore this entire weekend and if you break that promise I will break your face." I told him with a heart full of love for my new companion.
His little eyes lit up and I knew I had given him the best gift he had ever had. We spent the next hour or so checking out the ladies of the night. It started getting sadder as the night rolled by and Buddy was just unable to make a decision on which he wanted to give his 12 seconds of spunky love to. “Look you little twerp if you don’t pick one soon I am going to bitch slap you in front of all these people. I am tired of listening to you whine about your pathetic looking cock and when you told me that you are unable to grow pubes that was just a little too much info for me. Pick a girl and go with it before I sell you to those bikers over there for a pack of Camel’s”
Buddy stood up and gave the once over to all the working girls nearby but still was unable to make a choice. “I am just a little nervous Scott. I am going to go take a leak and when I get back I will pick one I promise.” And off he went. I had really hoped that he was gone for the night, hoping he had gone to his room to hide in his closet and cry like the little girl he I but alas no. After about 5 minutes he returned and had the biggest smile on his face ever, almost like the small a retarded child gets when someone gives them a scratch and sniff sticker.
“I FOUND HER! I FOUND HER!” he proclaimed in a slobbering idiot type of way.” Scott I met the girl I want to be with inside the men’s room. She is amazing, she is exotic and she is intoxicating all at once!”
“That’s good little Buddy I am happy. You said you met her over by the men’s room? What is she wearing so I can go pay her and finally get rid of you?”
“NOOO I met her in the men’s room. She was using the urinal next to me. Her name is Jesus and she was wearing the most beautiful red dress and red high heels. SHE IS AMAZING!”
“Dude you know that she is a man right? I mean seriously she was pissing standing up right next you in a men’s room and her name is Jesus which is a man’s name. You can’t be this stupid to really believe it is a chick can you?” I told him with my eyes full of love for my soon to be lifelong best friend.
“The heart wants what the heart wants Scott. I have made my choice. I will spend one wonderful hour with my true love Jesus and after that I will have the needed confidence to again talk to women and no longer spend my nights lonely, crying, weeping, while cutting myself.”
“Well I can see there is no changing your mind. I just want to warn you that more than likely he is going to get you up to your room and beat you up and ass rape you. I mean seriously he is over there right now talking to those other two guys about where they are going to dump your dead body man.”
There was just no talking to him. He was on a mission to make love to a transvestite hooker and it would take an army to stop him. I talked to Jesus and worked out arrangements for payment and negotiated a nice little side deal to get a cut of whatever they rolled Buddy for and off they went. It was early in the night for me, just passing 4:30AM Vegas time so I headed to the poker room to play for a bit with the satisfaction in my mind that I had done my one good deed for the day. I saw Jesus and his friends leave at about 6AM laughing and high-fiving each other with one of his friends wearing Buddy’s clothes. I knew what had happened. I knew my prediction had come true and that my dear, dear friend was laying up in his room more than likely beaten and battered with his cell phone shoved up his ass so I headed to the Diner to get a Roast Beef sandwich and off to bed. I knew since Buddy was more than likely unconscious or at the very least tied up that he was safe for the night in his room and not going to wander off and scare other guest with the site of his naked recently assaulted body. I managed a good four hours of sleep and then got the call to me a few other bloggers down at the bar for breakfast shots, Buddy’s dilemma had slipped from my mind in the night and to be quite honest I had forgotten the whole thing within 3 or 10 shots that morning so I was really surprised when he called me to tell me he had needed help. He was tied with his hands around the base of the toilet and had managed to unlodge his cell phone from his rectum in the night. After several attempts to dial his cell with his nose he had finally gotten me. I told him I would be right up to untie him and I would bring him some bandages for his wounds and then headed over to the Venetian for the Noon tournament, I mean he was safe and tied up so really there was no rush needed.
I made it to his room sometime around 8PM that night and the ungrateful prick yelled at me about something having to do with blood loss and hunger. I really tuned him out during that time because the smell in the bathroom really got to me. Anyway, I untied him and helped him get cleaned up and loaned him a few bucks to get something to eat and headed out.
Before I left his room that night he made me promise never to tell that story to anyone but last night I let the details slip on the air at BDR. So for letting the details slip I just want to tell Buddy Dank I am sorry, and I hope that my little explanation here makes him feel better. I was also really glad to hear that his trip this year went a little better for him as well.
I am a little groggy this morning. After a good 2 hour session on the $50 Max tables that saw me drop 3 buy ins and win back 5 in the space of 200 hands I carried my old half crippled ass to bed. It wasn't long before I heard the pitter patter of tiny little feet sneak into the room and a small voice tell me that yet again the monster that lives under the bed was back and going to eat my son.
This has been an ongoing thing since the move to Houston from Austin and I mostly blame myself. Back in Austin we had this same problem for a few weeks and then I came up with the idea to kill the big bad monsters and rid our household of the plague of young child eating demons that lurk in dark corners. In the old house the nightly routine was I would follow ConnorMc into his room and have him point out the monsters to me and then I would spend a good 5-10 minutes beating up the monsters, ripping them to little pieces, stomping on them, bite their heads off and then the boy and I would go outside to the trash can and toss the lifeless dead bodies of imaginary child harming monsters into the trash can. This worked for a few weeks until one night I came in to do my nightly monster clean up and ConnorMc told me I didn't need to because the monsters were not going to ever come back again... they were to afraid of the little girl that comes at night and sneaks in his window.
" That's cool... wait what??? What little girl that comes in your window?"
" Yeah Daddy, the monsters are really scared of her and when she shows up they all run away."
"Why are they so scared of the little girl ConnorMc, what does she do that scares them and where does she come from?"
"She lives in the front yard under the grass over by that tree and she comes to my window every night to talk to me. She is my friend but when she sees the monsters she gets mad at them and they run away scared."
It was about this time that I heard the whimpering of my lovely wife who had been listening from the door. To hear your 2 and a half year old son tell you that the little girl under the tree is powerful enough to scare away the nightly monsters and that she can come in the window ANDDD that she lives under the grass near the tree was just a little to much for her. I have to tell you it kind of got me too.
" Well, does the little girl tell you to do anything else?"
" No she just likes to talk to me."
" She never tells you to do anything like stab Daddy or kill the dog or anything does she?"
" No daddy that is silly, she likes you, she thinks you are funny."
So there we were, no more monsters under the bed because the little girl that lives in the yard was scarier than Daddy and the monsters don't want to mess with her. I don't know about you guys but I felt safe...
We went monster free for about 4 months until one night ConnorMc comes sliding into the room quietly and tugs on my wife's hair telling her he is scared because the monsters are back. My dear wife thinking it through all the way says
"Well tell the little girl they are back and she can scare them off, go back to bed buddy."
"The little girl ran away, she is afraid of the man"
My eye's pop open immediately at this statement.
"What man buddy?"
"The man that lives up on the roof, he is real mean and wont let the little girl come talk to me anymore. He told the monsters they can come back."
Now this is all coming from a kid that is just about to turn 3 years old. We don't let him watch scary movies we don't tell him bedtime stories with monsters in them we don't let him watch cartoons with violence in them and overall we shield him from just about everything imaginable that can scare a little kid. How the hell does he come up with this???
I pull my son up into bed and figure his story holds enough weight to warrant a night in the bed with me and the wife and we fade back into sleep... for a bit
" STOP IT! STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!"
My eye's pop open to find my son standing straight up on the bed staring at my bedroom door clutching Mr.Bear his favorite sleep buddy.
"Daddy the man is looking at me and he wont stop, he is laughing at me"
"Uh what man? What the hell are you talking about kid?"
"Wight there Daddy, in the door... it is the man from the roof. He is staring at me and laughing. IT IS NOT FUNNY!"
Needless to say I was awake at this point as was MommaMc. We jumped out of bed and turned every light in the house on and it was time to start the day. It didn't matter that it was just after 4AM, neither of us were going back to sleep. We could not figure out where ConnorMc was getting all this. Like I said we really never got into the scary movies and scary bed time stories. Weird thing was after that night/morning we never heard anymore about the man or the little girl again, it was like ConnorMc just stopped having the nightmares and seeing them.
Fast forward to last week. After 6 months of not hearing about scary men and ghostly little girls I awoke to the all to familiar sound of ConnorMc screaming at the top of his lungs. We have been living in the new house for 2 weeks now and almost nightly we have been getting the "Monsters are scaring me" speech. Here he comes walkin in his Spiderman underwear clutching MrBear in one hand and his pillow in the other bellowing as loud as his little body can. He is headed straight for myside of the bed tears flowing and snot streaming from his nose.
" Daddy I am scared! I wanna sleep with you!!! he monsters are scaring me!!!"
"Connor stop crying. There are no monsters in this house or in your room. You are not sleeping with Daddy tonight so go back to your room and go to sleep. When you wake up we will have breakfast."
"DADDY! They are scary"
"Connor go back to your room. Tell the monsters that if they do not go away that your daddy is going to call the cops and have them arrested and taken to jail"
The crying and the tears stop and he looks at me in the calmest face I have seen and says
"OK Daddy I think that will work"
He turned around, went back to his room and we didn't hear another sound all night. I got up this morning and had breakfast and asked him what the monsters said to him when he told them he was calling the cops.
"The got scared and told me they were sorry and left. They aren't coming back anymore."
The Fool is the card of infinite possibilities. The bag on the staff indicates that he has all he need to do or be anything he wants, he has only to stop and unpack. He is on his way to a brand new beginning. But the card carries a little bark of warning as well. Stop daydreaming and fantasizing and watch your step, lest you fall and end up looking the fool.
Well poker was fun last night. Not only did I get to kill of Waffles in a Bloggerment, I also managed to finish 3rd over all in the NYRPS. I made a easy move with AAxx against Twoblackaces raise with KKxx, I was on the air at BDR at the time with NYR and called out the K on the flop for TBA and sure enough it hit. NO harm no foul I was glad to do this well on my first real night back anyway. I got an added bonus when I stacked Waffles for his last $30 or so in the cash game when is mid pair no kicker died a painful death.
First full night back and I managed to triple my bankroll so I got a little room to work with. I plan on hitting The Mookie this week as well so Waffles has that going for him.
Marshall Howland: stupid fucking game Marshall Howland: cmon
I got to knock Waffles out of my first blogger tournament since making my come back...it took a whole 20 minutes. In his defense however lilkimmer did most of the work but I get the taste of my favorite breakfast treat again.
Looks like a fun night of blogger MTT for me. Good thing about laying off for 4 months is that the banner money is just sitting there waiting to be used.
Spent the weekend in Austin painting, cleaning the yard and mostly drinking beer. Besides not playing poker in a few months i have also not really been drinking... guess I'll start that back up again to!
Looks like the crew at my new office fancy's themselves as drinkers and Poker players. April has tried to warn them but they continue to poke the big bear. I think this weekend I will dust off the liver and try and make their home game.
I am already full of hate (really love) for all the twits I am getting from all the twit/blogger's in Vegas right now. I never even really started to make plans because of the kid's and the move but I always get that urge when April comes to me to ask for the time off. MommaMc has a friend getting married at the end of January and that happens to go right in line with our 5th wedding anniversary so maybe I will make my run then.
Until then remember if you mess with me I will send my ninja after you.
I have managed to take a pretty decent sized break from the poker world as of late. I killed off the old blog, stopped hitting the online games and stayed away from the fish tank that has been live poker for almost 6 months now(with a few little minor stops just to keep the rust off). Now that the kids are doing good and the move to Houston is complete AND the new job is running smother than expected I have decided to jump back in and play some cards.
My bankroll is depleted (not a problem because I hear my biggest mark is running hot) but I am sure I can make a few decent runs and rebuild it. It also appears that there are more than a few blogger tournaments and games floating around so that should get me back into fighting shape quickly. See you at the tables and good luck to all of you headed to Vegas this week!
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