The rebuild continues and an open "I am sorry" to Buddy Dank

Poker is so fun...

I played the Mookie last night. Not sure where I went out, think it was around 21-ish or something. No big HH to discuss I think i got my money in ahead and lost so that's poker. I did mange a superb victory in the Pushfest (tm*MiamiDon) for a nice $50 score. add that win to the impress of $11 win at Blogger RAZZ and I had a good few hours. I decided to parlay my winnings into a $50-$5 PLOHI buy in why later than I should be starting a tournament and managed to final Table. As a matter of fact I managed to lead the tournament for about 3 hours and came into the final table in 3rd of 9. On the first hand of the final table I got it all in preflop with AhAsJh4s against KcKdJs5h, the K on the flop crippled me and I went out a few hands later with QQxx v. K1052 when the chip leader flopped a 10 high flush. Once again that’s poker so fuck it, it happens.

I am real happy with my play so far this week. I am playing good poker and most importantly I am making good laydowns. I am up over $800 so far in a 3 day period playing $100NL and $50 NL 2-4 tables at a time.

Here is the replay of the first session yesterday

So, onto my Buddy Dank apology. If you are not spending all of your poker playing time listening to Buddy Dank Radio I really hope that at night when you are asleep a badger sneaks in through your A/C vents and has a badger fuck session with your ear hole. More importantly if you are not listening on the nights I obnoxiously shove my way on to his air time I hope the badger brings some homeboys to get your eye holes. Anyway, most nights I am on I tend to say things and do things that normal people shouldn’t say or do and last night was no different. Last night I let slip a very dark moment in Buddy Dank's life when, accidentally I forgot to let "What happened in Vegas Stay in Vegas".

We were talking about this year’s winter gathering in Las Vegas and since I didn’t get to go I shared a story about last year sat Blogger Winter gathering. Last year I got to meet Buddy for the first time. We spent hours shooting Whiskey and other various libations and bonded over... well not really anything because he and I have nothing really in common and to be honest if we were in high school together I would spend my days giving him knoggies, Indian burns and atomic wedgies but we bonded nevertheless. As things often do at the Geisha bar inside the IP the attention turned towards the hookers as they made their rounds. Prop bets of all kinds are made and triple dog dares can often be heard of the clinking of shot glasses hitting the bar and the loud banter floating in the air.

It wasn’t long before a few girls of the night had turn their attention towards Buddy and I ... I mean who can blame them really I am a strapping handsome Texan and Buddy looks like a guy you can extract hundreds of dollars from without even having to try hard. As the girls tried to barter their services to us I noticed certain uneasiness on Buddy's face. I wasn’t really sure what it was but it had elements of fear and uneasiness combined with flat out terror at times. After a valiant effort from the ladies we finally asked them to leave, I am married happily and have no need for a hooker and it appeared that Buddy wouldn’t really know what to do with one if he had her anyway, so off they went. After a good cooling off period I asked Buddy what was wrong hoping to get to the bottom of his troubles and help my newfound friend.

"I am very inexperienced when it comes to women. I have never really had much success with them and feel really uncomfortable around them." he told me.

I felt pity for my new pal and dug a little deeper. “What are you, like gay or something? I mean I am cool with that if you are and all but if we get any drunker I don’t want you to like try and blow me or anything because I will beat the shit out of you if you try."

“No I am not gay even though a lot of people ask me that. Do I put off some kind of Gay vibe or something?" he said slightly lisping with a certain limp wristed flare.

“Well then what’s the problem man? You can’t get it up or is your cock just so small you are afraid to show it to a woman?" I asked gently trying not to hurt my new BFF's feelings.

“I just am not that experienced or confident about my abilities to make love to a woman" he responded in an overly nerdy way causing me for a brief second to want to pants him right there in the bar. “I really have only been with a few girls. One of them was an overly aggressive 325lb 2nd cousin of mine that forced me to dress up like the Easter bunny and wanted to shove marshmallow peeps up my ass. That didn’t go to well for me, do you know that those things are really hard to get out of your rectum when they get hot?" he said. “Then there was my high school girlfriend, it was a tragedy what happened to her."

Not really paying attention to him and really concentrating more on my cigarette I heard him drone on. “She was special, she loved me and I knew it. I had never felt love like that before and I thought that her and I would really go the distance but sadly she sprung a leak and I could never really get her inflated right again." he stated with a sad frown that made me want to slap the taste out of his pansy mouth.

“What she was a blow up doll? What the fuck man you were in love with a fucking blow up doll? You fucking loser why the fuck am I even talking to you? You make me sick you assclown." I responded with a touching tone to make him feel comfortable.

Oh... uhhh... I was just joking man. I was just trying to make you laugh, here let me buy you a few more shots."

“You better you spazz or I will stuff you in a locker!"

He went on to tell me that the 3rd and final girl he had been with was probably his best experience but sadly he was never able to bring himself to completion because whenever he got close he would break into uncontrollable crying.

“I really need your help ScottMc. You are the coolest guy I know and I really just want to be like you. I mean you seem to really have it all together and you got the looks and the style I really want to be like."

" Look you little cocksucker I told you I am not going to let you blow me so stuff that gay shit back in your little dark crying place in your brain. I do feel bad for you though so I am going to help you out." I said with a caring big brother feel. “I will spot you some cash for hookers so your miserable sad little ass can final get laid. I mean really man you are all grown up and need to get some more than any man I know. You really are pathetic and if you don’t get laid soon I am sure I am going to hear stories about you dressing up in women’s pantyhose and trying to kill people from a tower or something. After I help you, you got to promise not to talk to me anymore this entire weekend and if you break that promise I will break your face." I told him with a heart full of love for my new companion.

His little eyes lit up and I knew I had given him the best gift he had ever had. We spent the next hour or so checking out the ladies of the night. It started getting sadder as the night rolled by and Buddy was just unable to make a decision on which he wanted to give his 12 seconds of spunky love to. “Look you little twerp if you don’t pick one soon I am going to bitch slap you in front of all these people. I am tired of listening to you whine about your pathetic looking cock and when you told me that you are unable to grow pubes that was just a little too much info for me. Pick a girl and go with it before I sell you to those bikers over there for a pack of Camel’s”

Buddy stood up and gave the once over to all the working girls nearby but still was unable to make a choice. “I am just a little nervous Scott. I am going to go take a leak and when I get back I will pick one I promise.” And off he went. I had really hoped that he was gone for the night, hoping he had gone to his room to hide in his closet and cry like the little girl he I but alas no. After about 5 minutes he returned and had the biggest smile on his face ever, almost like the small a retarded child gets when someone gives them a scratch and sniff sticker.

“I FOUND HER! I FOUND HER!” he proclaimed in a slobbering idiot type of way.” Scott I met the girl I want to be with inside the men’s room. She is amazing, she is exotic and she is intoxicating all at once!”

“That’s good little Buddy I am happy. You said you met her over by the men’s room? What is she wearing so I can go pay her and finally get rid of you?”

“NOOO I met her in the men’s room. She was using the urinal next to me. Her name is Jesus and she was wearing the most beautiful red dress and red high heels. SHE IS AMAZING!”

“Dude you know that she is a man right? I mean seriously she was pissing standing up right next you in a men’s room and her name is Jesus which is a man’s name. You can’t be this stupid to really believe it is a chick can you?” I told him with my eyes full of love for my soon to be lifelong best friend.

“The heart wants what the heart wants Scott. I have made my choice. I will spend one wonderful hour with my true love Jesus and after that I will have the needed confidence to again talk to women and no longer spend my nights lonely, crying, weeping, while cutting myself.”

“Well I can see there is no changing your mind. I just want to warn you that more than likely he is going to get you up to your room and beat you up and ass rape you. I mean seriously he is over there right now talking to those other two guys about where they are going to dump your dead body man.”

There was just no talking to him. He was on a mission to make love to a transvestite hooker and it would take an army to stop him. I talked to Jesus and worked out arrangements for payment and negotiated a nice little side deal to get a cut of whatever they rolled Buddy for and off they went. It was early in the night for me, just passing 4:30AM Vegas time so I headed to the poker room to play for a bit with the satisfaction in my mind that I had done my one good deed for the day. I saw Jesus and his friends leave at about 6AM laughing and high-fiving each other with one of his friends wearing Buddy’s clothes. I knew what had happened. I knew my prediction had come true and that my dear, dear friend was laying up in his room more than likely beaten and battered with his cell phone shoved up his ass so I headed to the Diner to get a Roast Beef sandwich and off to bed. I knew since Buddy was more than likely unconscious or at the very least tied up that he was safe for the night in his room and not going to wander off and scare other guest with the site of his naked recently assaulted body. I managed a good four hours of sleep and then got the call to me a few other bloggers down at the bar for breakfast shots, Buddy’s dilemma had slipped from my mind in the night and to be quite honest I had forgotten the whole thing within 3 or 10 shots that morning so I was really surprised when he called me to tell me he had needed help. He was tied with his hands around the base of the toilet and had managed to unlodge his cell phone from his rectum in the night. After several attempts to dial his cell with his nose he had finally gotten me. I told him I would be right up to untie him and I would bring him some bandages for his wounds and then headed over to the Venetian for the Noon tournament, I mean he was safe and tied up so really there was no rush needed.

I made it to his room sometime around 8PM that night and the ungrateful prick yelled at me about something having to do with blood loss and hunger. I really tuned him out during that time because the smell in the bathroom really got to me. Anyway, I untied him and helped him get cleaned up and loaned him a few bucks to get something to eat and headed out.

Before I left his room that night he made me promise never to tell that story to anyone but last night I let the details slip on the air at BDR. So for letting the details slip I just want to tell Buddy Dank I am sorry, and I hope that my little explanation here makes him feel better. I was also really glad to hear that his trip this year went a little better for him as well.

Dont forget to listen to Buddy Dank Radio!

ScottMc